Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Houston, we have a blender
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
