One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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