I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
