i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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