I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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