I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.