naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.