Non-Jews are for practice
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
