I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
