Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
