Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
