she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
