I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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