whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
