Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
