Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
