time to smoke my breakfast
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's blow job season.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Heβs disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
