So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
