i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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