Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
