last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize