I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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