Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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