She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
