I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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