So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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