Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
