Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
