I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
