this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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