yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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