Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
