i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
