apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
