Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
