whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Acid is not a monday night drug
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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