3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
