but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
