Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
