we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
