i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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