What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
