Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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