i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
