peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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