you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
