it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
