you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
