I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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