When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
