i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
