I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
