i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
