neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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