My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
