I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
