please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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