just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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