I cannot find my penis.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize