Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
