Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
