coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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