What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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