Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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