we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
