I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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