I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
