Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
