Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
