My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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