I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
