gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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